RFK Jr. Launches Manhunt: Who Boned the AIDS Primate?
WASHINGTON, DC — Newly-appointed HHS Secretary RFK Jr., the ripped anti-vax king, is on a mission wilder than his shirtless TikToks: a manhunt for the dude who allegedly smashed a monkey and birthed AIDS.
“Some freak got freaky with a chimp, and now we’re all screwed,” RFK Jr. said at a presser. The search, dubbed "Operation Banana Hammock," involves interrogating zoo animals and staking out gay bars for any suspiciously hairy patrons.
Gen Z’s losing it on X—“Bro’s hunting Patient Zero like it’s a horny Scooby-Doo Mystery". RFK’s offering a $1M bounty, but Twitter’s just memeing—“RIP to the monkeyf***er, legend!!"
RFK’s next target: “Who taught the first raccoon to open a trash can?
TL;DR: Take your vaccines, kids
