Peru's Alien Mummy Turns Out To Be Someone's Grandma
PERU —In a plot twist straighter than the "alien" fingerprints, Peru's famous three-fingered mummies turned out to be someone's mummified abuela. Scientists were shook when DNA tests revealed the "extraterrestrial" was just Señora Rodríguez, who went missing during a wild quinceañera in 1962.
"Grandma always did have a thing for body mods," sighed her grandson, eyeing the elongated skull. "Guess she finally achieved her dream of looking like a Snapchat filter IRL."
UFO enthusiasts are devastated, with one lamenting, "I can't believe I simped for a geriatric corpse."
Meanwhile, the Rodríguez family is planning a "welcome back from space" party, complete with rehydrated mummy juice cocktails and a piñata shaped like a UFO.
As for Abuela? She's trending on TikTok as #AliénAbuela. Slay, queen.
TL;DR: Your Granny is an alien
