Google Chrome To Share Your Browser History With Employer

SAN FRANCISCO — In a move that’s either a dystopian prank or Google’s bid to end WFH forever, Chrome announced today it will automatically share users’ browser history with their employers. The feature, dubbed ”Big Brother Mode,” allegedly helps companies “build trust” by exposing your 3 a.m. Amazon impulse buys, Cocomelon binges, and that spicy OnlyFans tab you thought died with incognito.

“I opened Outlook and got an email from HR titled ‘Re: Your Googling of “hot pics of Sydney Sweeney” and “why is HR so useless?”’ said marketing analyst Kyle, 24, who is now “exploring new opportunities” on LinkedIn.

The chaos stems from a sneaky Chrome update that auto-forwards your history to employers if you’ve ever logged into Slack on the same device. “We’re just helping teams align values,” said a Google spokesperson, while wearing a shirt that read ”Yes, I Saw Your Reddit Alt Account.”

Already, the fallout is apocalyptic:

• 73% of remote workers caught Googling “how to look busy on Zoom” during meetings.
• A CFO resigned after Chrome exposed his Etsy obsession for custom anime body pillows.
• HR departments are now the most feared OnlyFans creators.

Meanwhile, LinkedIn influencers are pivoting to posts like ”Why Getting Fired for Your ‘Goth Mommy’ Search History is a Growth Opportunity.”

Google claims users can opt out by “switching to Bing like a loser.” Microsoft, smelling blood, tweeted, ”Start Edging.”

TL;DR: Google see's everything