FBI Launches Nationwide Manhunt Of The Person Who Taught Trump The T-Word
In a desperate bid to save the U.S. economy — or at least our collective sanity — federal agents have launched a nationwide hunt for the shadowy figure who allegedly taught Donald Trump the word “tariff,” a term the President has since wielded like a toddler with a flamethrower. Sources confirm the suspect, dubbed “Tariff Daddy” by angry Reddit threads, remains at large, leaving behind only a trail of soybeans, confused economists, and a single MAGA hat stained with Diet Coke tears.
“We’re looking for a male, 25-80, fluent in gibberish, and last seen screaming ‘IT’S A BEAUTIFUL WORD, THE BEST WORD’ into a golden kazoo,” read an FBI bulletin, which also noted the suspect may be hiding in Mar-a-Lago’s “Bunker of Bad Ideas.” The manhunt intensified after Trump cited tariffs as the solution to climate change, inflation, and his Truth Social engagement.
Conspiracy theorists now claim “Tariff Daddy” is either a rogue ChatGPT prototype, a disgruntled Scrabble champion, or Elon Musk’s sleep-paralysis demon. Meanwhile, Trump has vowed to punish the suspect with such huge tariffs, that their grandkids will pay them.
TL;DR: Feds hunt the person who taught Trump “tariff” — a word he now uses to describe everything.
