Davidson Looking To Complete His Infinity Gauntlet of Actresses: "One Stone Left, Bro"
HOLLYWOOD - In a saga Marvel fans are calling “The Eternals But With Worse Tattoos,” Pete Davidson is allegedly assembling a roster of A-list exes like Thanos collecting Infinity Stones, with Jenna Ortega now in his crosshairs as the final “Soul Stone” needed to unlock his full himbo potential. Sources claim Davidson’s dating history — a constellation of Hollywood’s most unhinged PR relationships — is less about love and more about achieving a “snap” so powerful it makes him the "Sexiest Man in the Entire Known and Unknown Universe"
“Each girlfriend is a stone, okay?” explained a “source” later revealed to be Davidson’s insta account. “Ariana was the Time Stone — she aged him like milk. Kim K’s the Reality Stone because someone had to teach him what a ‘boundary’ is. Jenna’s the Soul Stone, which means he has to yeet her off a cliff.
The comparison tracks: Davidson’s exes, like Thanos’ gems, each grant him cosmic-level abilities. Dating Kate Beckinsale (Power Stone) allegedly gave him “the confidence to wear socks with sandals.” Phoebe Dynevor (Space Stone) “expanded his dating range beyond Staten Island.” Ortega, however, is the ultimate flex — her “Wednesday Addams rizz” reportedly required to unlock Davidson’s final form.
Ortega’s team has denied rumours, stating she’s “busy filming Beetlejuice 2, not dating a human WikiHow article on red flags.”
TL;DR: Pete Davidson’s dating spree mirrors Thanos’ gem grind, with Jenna Ortega as his final “Soul Stone” to unlock himbo god mode. Spoiler: The only thing getting snapped is his therapist’s patience.
