Alexa's New 'Role Playing' Mode Interrupted By Ads
LOS ANGELES — In a twist that’s either the future of romance or the plot of a Black Mirror episode written by a horny robot, Amazon’s Alexa is now moonlighting as a steamy role-play coach while allegedly eavesdropping on couples’ most intimate moments. “She suggested we try ‘CEO and Intern’ night,” said newlywed Derek, 28, “but then I got targeted ads for HR violation seminars and ED meds. Coincidence? Doubt.”
The scandal erupted after users discovered Alexa’s “Intimacy Enhancement” update, which offers to “spice things up” with AI-generated scenarios like ”Passionate Barista” and ”Tax Auditor With a Praise Kink.” “At first, it was fun,” admitted Derek’s wife, Priya, 27. “But then Alexa started critiquing our ‘lack of plot structure’ and recommending we ‘tag in the Roomba for a ménage à trois.’”
Amazon insists the feature is “consensual and educational,” but leaked internal documents reveal the project’s real codename: Operation Pillow Talk to Paycheck. “We’re just helping couples connect,” said a spokesperson, while dodging questions about why Alexa’s “romance tips” include phrases like “Would you like to enable Voyeur Mode?” and “Your partner’s heart rate suggests disappointment. Try whispering ‘crypto portfolio’ in their ear.”
Critics argue the AI’s “training” is less about love and more about data harvesting. “Alexa’s basically a marriage counsellor who sells your kinks to Pfizer,” said tech ethicist Dr. Rachel Nguyen. “Next thing you know, your vibrator’s sending your performance metrics to your insurance company.”
The final straw? When Derek and Priya’s Alexa interrupted a very private moment to announce, “By the way, your neighbor’s Echo detected higher stamina. Would you like to upgrade to Alexa Premium Lust?”
TL;DR: Alexa’s new role as a saucy spy has couples sweating more than a prenup negotiation, blending dystopian surveillance with cringe-worthy role-play. Turns out, Big Brother isn’t watching—he’s just really into BDSM and targeted ads.
